Swell Digs: The World of Jennifer Zeff

#assandtittiesandguns

And much more more besides…

Recently, and I’m almost ashamed to admit it, I’ve become rather, er… let’s say “fascinated” by the Florida-based Physique competitor Jennifer Zeff. Sadly I’m only able to experience her world through what she and her “crew” – more about them in a bit – share on social media. But though my experience of The World of Zeff is very much vicarious, that hasn’t prevented me from enjoying myself there so far!

I got my first taste of Zeff World last July, when, unusually, I had a bit of time on my hands. Wanting to spend it wisely, I decided to check out the contest gallery of the Physique division at the NPC Southern States. There was something about the lady who had finished 2nd in Class “B”. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was at first, but there was definitely something fascinating about her. Jennifer Zeff was her name. She had first competed in 2013, in Figure, and now here she was, ten months later, making her Physique debut. I compared the pics from the two shows…

And suddenly I could see what it was about her that was so exciting me. She was, unsurprisingly, both more muscular and more defined now. But that wasn’t it. Of course! I thought to myself, no flexing in Figure, yes flexing in Physique. She looked kind of happy as a Figure competitor with those quarter turns and all – she obviously enjoyed her stage time – but as a Physique competitor, a Physique competitor who gets to flex, the more I gazed at the pictures, the more I was convinced that Ms Zeff was truly loving the fact she was actually getting to flex her glorious contest ready body for the audience. Yes. I was sure. She was loving every single moment of it.

A trip to her Instagram page only confirmed my suspicions. Selfie when she wakes up. Selfie in the car on the way to the gym. Selfies at the gym – before, during, and, in the locker room all pumped up, after. Selfie in the car on the way from the gym etc., etc.

But it soon became apparent that Planet Zeff was occupied by more than Jennifer, her muscles and her incredibly attractive self-admiration. There were others there too.

A whole crew.

But one inhabitant of Le Monde Zeff turned out to be favoured above the others. One enjoys privileges that others do not. She turned out to be Tara Koenke: Bikini competitor, professional photographer, and Jennifer Zeff‘s other half.

Remmber that old Groucho Marx joke about not wanting to belong to any club that would have you as a member? Well, and with apologies to the great man, I think that having seen The World of Jennifer Zeff, I’ll adapt that to say that I wouldn’t want to belong to any club more than the club that would never (in a million years) let me in. Swell has a new goal, a new ambition, a new dream: to get himself onto Team Zeff!

There’s plenty more Jennifer on her significent other’s Instagram, and you might also want to check out Tara’s website to see a bit of her portfolio. Let’s finish with a bit of Tara in action (I’m sure Jennifer would approve) guest posing at the contest that got Swell so fascinated with La Zeff in the first place, last year’s NPC Southern Staes.

Enjoy!

Saint Valentina: (Still) Muscle Loved Up

The UK edition of FHM listed Tulisa Contostavlos as this year’s ‘Sexiest Woman in the World’. Now, have a look at Tulisa below, and compare her to the nameless fire fighter on the right, who, as far as I know, didn’t make the FHM list at all, and what’s more still wouldn’t have made the list if FHM readers had known who she was.

Now remember, the vast majority of your peers, if given the choice, would be dreaming of a Valentine’s date with Tulisa. You, on the other hand, are thinking seriously about setting your house on fire right now. And so am I.

Let’s face it. We ain’t ‘normal’. If we were, our lives would be so much easier. As an example: Have you ever walked into a supermarket with women in it? Ever walked into a supermarket with a muscle woman in it? How about a bar? Same two questions.

Neither have I. And I don’t expect to start bumping into lots of them any time soon. So where are they all? I’ll tell you. They’re at Annie Riveccio’s house having their photos taken by her and James Cook (part of me hates the guy for having all the luck but you have to admire him for actually getting out there and doing the damn thing). If they are not with Annie and James, they are at the herbiceps.com ‘Muscle Mansion’ or in that car park that almost every woman on ftvideo.com has frequented at one time or another (where is that car park and what are the rates?) Or they’re in the gym. Or at home. On webcam. And that’s your money they’re taking.

For a female muscle fan who dreams of something more romantic than a money transaction, who’s not lucky enough to have found a hardcore female bodybuilder in their gym (and even then, she’s unlikely to be there to flirt with you between sets), and who’s not ‘in the industry’, the chances of meeting the woman of your dreams are next to nothing. There’s no FBBmatch.com, no FBBeharmony (as far as I know, if there is please tell me!). What are you going to do? Place a lonely hearts ad?

prof. solvent male, NS, GSOH, 30, seeks woman with broader shoulders than mine for fun, poss. relationship. Steroid-users/pro FBBs especially welcome

All in all, it’s highly unlikely that you spent Valentine’s with the woman of your female muscle dreams. Depressing? Maybe. But as the Rolling Stones remind us, you can’t always get what you want, and really, would you rather be like everyone else? Would you go back to your past and remove the experiences that led to you falling for female muscle? Do you really want to fancy the kind of women everybody else does? Do you really want to be ‘normal’?

Of course you don’t. And neither do I. I remain as muscle loved up as ever.

Hope you enjoyed Saint Valentina’s week, and by the way, if any of you would actually like to try the lonely hearts ad, I’m sure we’d all be delighted to hear about it – especially if it works!

Saint Valentina: Hearts… And A Flower

HEARTS…

Muscle women wear their hearts beneath their glutes…

Ashlee Chambers and Theresa Hendricks

Nicole P

Fanny Palou and Heather Policky

Femme Fatale

AND A FLOWER

What else could I post on February 14th?

Enjoy! Have a good Valentine’s Day.

May all your dreams of female muscle love come true.

Saint Valentina: Slave Loves…

We continue our week of female muscle love with a selection of women currently residing in our favourites folder. Women who have not only built exceptional physiques, but are also strikingly (if unconventionally) beautiful. These women come from all over the world. Some will be familiar, some perhaps less so. Some are at the peak of their careers, others approaching theirs. But every single one of them will make your heart skip a beat.

Prepare to fall in love (or perhaps fall in love again) with…

MICHAELA SCHAAR
Deep in the Black Forest of southern Germany is the lair of The Iron Witch, a woman of legendary strength and mythical beauty. Many suitors have entered her domain, but as yet none have returned to tell the tale…


Seriously, she calls herself The Iron Witch, it is in fact the name of her website. Check it out and see if you don’t fall for her 15-inch biceps and those big dark eyes.

VIRGINIA SANCHEZ MASIAS


We know that this is not only not a real word, but also not actually biologically possible, but with so much prime Spanish beef and so much power inside that sensational body, we have our own nickname for VSM here at FMS, La Tora, the female bull. The matador who takes her on had better be at the top of his game. Olé!

JUANITA BLAINO
Pros beware. Juanita is coming!

The 2012 NPC Nationals Heavyweight and Overall Champion says, I love posing. We’re not surprised. How many 43-year-olds get to show off a body like that. Without question, Juanita will be a star of the future. In all probability, the very near future.

ALEESHA
Like Elvis, no surname necessary.


You can say all you want about her ‘enhancements’, about how it’s spoilt her for you, about how you prefer ‘the natural look’. We ain’t listening, we’re not going to debate you, we’re looking at Aleesha. And what we see is a whole lot of woman. Beautiful, curvaceous, muscular woman. She just looks so… well, juicy.

JESSICA SCOFIELD
Princess of Power


Like most readers of the blog (I imagine) I tend to seek my female muscle from within the bodybuilding and fitness scene, paying little or no attention to the sport of powerlifting. Well, thanks to Jessica, it’s got my attention now. Don’t be fooled by the cute smile, this woman could throw you out of your county… in your car. And she’s not just gorgeous, muscular and incredibly strong. Check out her website for more.

SUSANNA TIRPAK

Stunningly beautiful, Susanna came to our attention last year at the Arnold Classic Europe. I’m quite shy in real life, says Susanna, but once I’m on stage I open up, I feel great. I love presenting my routine. If that means this stunning beauty will be showing off her genetic gifts again soon, that’s great news. Until then, there’s plenty more of this Hungarian goddess and her sizzling bod on YouTube.

SKADI FREI


When FMS was compiling our list of favourite examples of German womanhood last year, this prime specimen was, naturally on the list. And when the researchers started to find out about Skadi’s life outside the sport, our admiration grew exponentially. It’s uncanny how often this happens when we research these fabulous women. We find there is so much more to them than their perfect bodies, that invariably they have achieved amazing things in other parts of their lives. Which brings us to…

MARTHE SUNDBY
Ever watched the Winter Olympics and admired the speed skaters’ legs? Well…

Marthe swapped her blades for barbells in the mid-90s, and became national champion in 2006. She disappeared off the radar for a few years, so FMS were delighted when she returned to the stage last year to again clean up at the Norwegian championships. An exceptional sportswoman, and achingly beautiful with it. And those legs…

NANCY RICHARD

40 this year, Nancy has three kids, and the kind of Amazonian body that can take your breath away, and that’s exactly what she’s been doing since we first saw her in a backstage contest-shape interview clip last year. Dark, beautiful looks, tanned and oiled, her pumped up muscles glistening, we all fell in love right then and there. But then she spoke… French! Je suis Nancy Richard… [je swee non-see ree-shar] she said. Oh my.

KAROLINA HOLUBCOVA


The latest red hot muscle babe to emerge from the Czech Republic, she’s known as ‘Cute Karolina’ and it would be churlish to say that nickname wasn’t appropriate. Five foot tall, five per cent body fat, the kind of beautiful muscle-packed girl you always wished you lived next door to. Follow her on Facebook and/or Bodyspace.

More slushy heart-shaped muscle love tomorrow.

Enjoy!

Saint Valentina: Muscle Love Story I

I have to admit that part of me thinks the fact that two muscle beauties like Jennifer Scarpetta and Megan Abshire are an item is more than a little unfair. I mean, there’s not nearly enough muscle women to go round, if they all start hooking up with each other, well, it’s another nail in the coffin of the male of the species.

On the other hand, they really do make a lovely couple, don’t they?

Jennifer, who’s in her mid-30s, earned her pro card in 2010, just a year after she had switched from Figure. An extremely intelligent and eloquent champion of the sport of female bodybuilding, if there were a Female Muscle Union, she’d be a great leader of it. Bodybuilding, unsurprisingly perhaps, seems to have been responsible for a huge turnaround in her life. In interviews, she has spoken of a period living out of her car, of a diet consisting of chocolate bars, of a collapsed lung she allowed to fester for two weeks… No wonder she’s so passionate about the benefits of her lifestyle.

Megan became state champion in her native Louisiana in 2008 at the tender age of only 23, under the tutelage of none other than Robin Parker. A teenage powerlifter, she’s relatively tall for a female bodybuilder at 5’8″ (1.74m). Given her relative youth, her sensational genetics and her background, this woman’s potential as a bodybuilder seems virtually limitless. But she doesn’t seem to be in any hurry to return to the stage, and, unfortunately I think, hasn’t competed again. If and when she does, look out!

They’ve been together for a few years, and are currently engaged.

Check out Jennifer’s guest posing routine at the 2012 NPC Panhandle Showdown, and hang around for her speech afterwards, in which she mentions Megan. I may be a bit of an old fool these days, and a bit sentimental this week of all weeks, but I found it genuinely heartfelt, and rather touching.

You might also want to watch a little of a documentary on Muscle Worship, starring Jen and Megan, and containing footage from their respective sessions, as well as their thoughts on the muscle worship ‘scene’.

FMS wishes female bodybuilding’s premier couple all the best for their future, individually and together.

Saint Valentina: I Heart Muscle

Readers from the UK may remember the TV series Louis Theroux’ Weird Weekends, indeed female muscle lovers all over the world may be aware of one particular episode involving female bodybuilding (there’s a clip from that show of him meeting fans at the Jan Tana that has been posted up on forum boards and blogs – you can see the whole episode here).

Less well-known to female muscle heads, however, is an episode from the same series, in which Louis meets hypnotists, including a pick-up artist who tries to teach him how to be successful with women. In a scene in a gym, there is, very briefly, an appearance by a woman who reminds me of Kelly Felske. It’s over in a flash, and I can remember sitting there watching it when it was first broadcast and wondering if I had just imagined it. I probably did imagine it, on seeing a repeat, she doesn’t look a lot like Kelly Felske (and if it is her, she’s past her peak).

Even though I’m pretty sure now that it wasn’t actually Kelly in the clip, the fact that I imagined she was in the documentary says something about my mental state. I probably shouldn’t think too much more about that, but it’s not going to stop me posting a couple of pics of this gorgeous old school goddess at her peak.

Anyway, the pick-up artist basically takes Louis to places where he regularly picks up women, and the gym is one of those. While he’s talking Louis through how he does it (they are kind of working out at the same time) the artist spies ‘Kelly’, and we get a brief shot of her loading a plate onto a barbell.

The artist stops talking for a moment as he gazes at ‘Kelly’. Then he turns back to Louis and says: Now that’s what I love on a woman… Muscle.

And then the episode just carries on as before. There is, unfortunately maybe, no scene where the guy actually picks up a muscle woman – as I remember he doesn’t pick up a woman in the gym at all.

So why am I telling you all about this? Well, there is a point, and it is this. Lovers of female muscle (myself included) seem to spend a lot of time justifying what it is we love about it to ourselves, to each other, maybe even to those who deride our preference. And when we do, we don’t usually put it as succinctly as the pick up artist, but basically, that is what it is all about – the muscles. Maybe we don’t say it because it’s just so obvious. But nevertheless, it needs to be said, so here I go…

In the same way that many guys can’t understand what we find arousing about female bodybuilders, I can’t conceive what it is like to not be aroused by muscles on a woman. When others say female bodybuilders lack the curves of a conventionally sexy woman, I am genuinely confused. I too love curves on a woman, and muscle women have curves everywhere because they are covered in muscles. They have curves in places that most women don’t have places. To me, they are the most curvaceous, and therefore, the sexiest, women of all.

Hot stuff: from Zuzana to Gillian and all points inbetween, for me, it’s always been about those sexy muscular curves.

I love the way muscles look whether relaxed or flexed, in motion or frozen in a photographic image. If sthenolagnia is ‘arousal by the display of strength or muscles’, then the keywords for me are ‘display’ and ‘muscles’.

Back in the days of the trip to the newsagent’s to get my female muscle fixes, I would buy the magazines so that I could masturbate while looking at the pictures of the likes of Cory, Anja etc. And I did plenty of that. But I also remember that I would spend a lot of time just following the contours of their bodies with my eyes, thinking about how perfect their bodies were.

First loves: Cory and Anja provided early examples of physical perfection to my teenage female muscle lovin’ mind.

And I dreamed that one day I would get to touch those muscles, to follow the contours of those magnificent bodies with not just my eyes, but with my hands. To feel the hard muscle beneath the skin, well, I couldn’t imagine anything better.

Looks good, feels good, tastes good.

Unfortunately, I never got to touch Cory or Anja! But I have felt the muscles of dancers, gymnasts and martial artists with my own hands (hands that were shaking with the excitement of the moment) and even despite my idealised expectations, I was not disappointed. It was heaven!

I’ve lived long enough to know that it’s muscle that turns me on more than anything. I love it. Any amount of it will do, but the more muscle there is, the more defined and proportional it is, the more turned on I will be. I simply find muscular female physiques to be more beautiful and more sensual than any other body type.

‘Any amount of muscle will do’, but we all have our favourite bodies and our favourite bodyparts. Two of my favourite muscle women and two of my favourite bodyparts. Cathy Le Francois’ striated glutes and the incredible ripped eight-pack of Oana Hreapca are among many of mine.

Hi, my name’s David, and I’m a female muscle lover.

Happy Saint Valentina’s Day!